exhaustion.

i'm going to just lay out it all out today....

i'm tired.

this semester seems to be kicking my butt. i just want to be able to sit down and not have to worry about writing papers or reading chapters or running around to get things done for work. i don't want the nagging feeling of this being my last semester and knowing that some of my best friends are not going to be in the area anymore. i'm tired of feeling this stress on my life. i'm tired of being busy.

i hate the uncertainty of what is coming ahead. i don't have a job. i don't have a place to live. yet i am getting married and it sucks. i hate not knowing. searching for a rental with a very limited budget really stresses me out. i just want all of this to go away.

then, i was told...this never goes away. starting a job there are a lot of pressures. having kids, you are always running around and never getting sleep.

i have to admit this was not encouraging to me. i don't want to be told that the rest of life is going to be this way. with the way that i am processing things right now....that just sucks.

on the bright side, i guess that college is preparing me for life. but on the down side, i am just exhausted. i want to take a day and just sleep and not feel guilty about not doing any homework.

i feel like everything i do right now is mediocre. i hate being mediocre. i don't want to let others down and i definitely don't want to let God down.

i just want to feel settled.

it will happen.

i just need to surrender.

then God hit me with a 2x4. i was sitting in class, feeling all of my exhaustion. i was ready to just be done for the day...the week...the semester. then this girl gets up and does a devotion. this came straight from God's mouth and hit my heart.

what did she say?

we get exhausted when we try and do everything by ourselves. God never intended for us to do life on our own. we can try and try to do it all and be everything for everyone. but at the end of the day...we will feel exhausted.

i have fallen into this trap. i need to remember not to live my life on my own. God has my back. He wants to help out. He longs for me. I need to remember to allow Him to have control of my life. after all with God, the whole world is brighter and i have more energy because i walk with my Savior, Christ. we do not have to walk alone, that is not what God has ever intended for us, His beloved children.

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side note, i am borrowing something from my friend Kimberly Oyler she has been leaving songs at the end of all of her posts. which i love! and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

so for this post, i am leaving a song that has helped me through a lot when i was going through some trials in my life and dealing with my pride.

you may or may not like it, and that's ok. but it really humbles me.

p. s. the guys voice cracks all the time. but i like hearing the rawness. enjoy.