this is the time where i just share.

so today, i'm going to be really real.

i'm stressed.

i think i've cried everyday for a week.

all of my stress is coming from this incredibly deep fear of failure.

where i once experienced a sense of confidence when it comes to school work. i am now living in fear of not finishing, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure.

i have put this one class...senior project...on such a high pedestal that i cannot seem to grasp it. i am living in fear that this class will be in my way of graduation.

i have had three nightmares where i have failed this class.

now this all might seem really silly. and i promise you, in a month, i will look back and realize just how ridiculous i am.

right now though, i am scared. i am living in fear.

living in this fear is crippling me. i cannot fully be myself. i just am a hollow shell.

i know that all will be so much better if i would just surrender all of this to God. i mean He commands us to do this.

if only i would heed the words that are in 1 john 4:18:

there is no fear in love.

but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

the one who fears is not made perfect in love.

i just want to stop being fearful.

i just need to let go of this fear. 

yet, i keep holding on. 

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for everyone's viewing pleasure...i'm doing #throwbackthursday today

freshman year of college...the fiance and i at 80s skate night....we were soooo not into each other back then haha

my best friend freshman year....this gem helped me through so much during that first year of college

my sister/best friend and i in jamaica...i was a senior in high school, she was a sophomore